Divorce-proof your marriage
by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg
(summary)
Part one
Where is your marriage?
Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg share at the beginning of their book “Divorce-proof your marriage” their own experience for shattered dreams from the day they get married to the point where they feel disconnected and without feelings for each other. Every single couple, no matter how happy and good they might look, at least once in their married life they face the question: do we stay married or do we divorce? We are so different! The couples who succeed to have a healthy marriage are the couples who commit to each other, decide to stay married no matter what and start WORKING on their marriage. I will mention only few sentences from the journey of Barb and Gary:
- “He began to answer my prayers once I got out of the way. Then he began to work in my husband’s life” – how many times do we try to fix our spouses! When we nag or get upset, things don’t change. When we accept them the way they are and start working on ourselves, amazing things start happening!
- “We cannot guarantee that walking on this road will be easy. But we can guarantee that following God’s design will divorce-proof your marriage”- are we willing to do what it takes to make our marriage not only work but be our dream marriage?
Most couples accept the fact that there is more to a marriage relationship than the exhilaration and excitement they felt on their honeymoon. Most realize that being married in the real world includes plenty of relational ups and downs. If my spouse and I are not purposefully growing deeper in our relationship, we are in danger of losing our dream marriage and sliding down toward relational decay and marital entropy. You may say, “our relationship is far from a dream marriage but we’re committed to each other. Divorce isn’t even an option for us.” True, physical divorce may not enter our thinking. Yet if my spouse and I are not taking specific steps to avoid marital entropy, we are in fact sliding toward emotional divorce.
Seven stops on the marriage map
- Dream
- Disappointment
- Discouragement
- Distance
- Disconnect
- Discord
- Emotional Divorce
Every couple is either moving to a deeper relationship or descending into emotional divorce. It is not possible to stay on one single stop in between. There are roughly speaking 7 stops on the marriage map. Identifying where you are right now will help you determine what you need to do to reverse course and move back toward the marriage dream you once held. Most couples do not agree where they are on the marriage map, so your spouse’s answers might be different than yours. The differences of perspective are important as you try to understand each other.
For the full handout, please download it here:Week 1